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Most of us go through life on autopilot, never stopping to ask what we truly want. But even those of us with high self-awareness—who know exactly what we want—often fail to get it.

Why? This question haunted me for years. After much reflection, I realized the answer isn’t a lack of talent or opportunity. The answer is greed.

Let me explain.

We live in a world where our desires are constantly manufactured by society. Social media tells us we should be the CEO, the perfect parent, the marathon runner, and the world traveler—all at once. Even when we have innate ambitions, we dilute them with these socially induced desires. We convince ourselves we can “have our cake and eat it too.”

But life is a zero-sum game of energy.

There are two distinct strategies in life, and they require mutually exclusive inputs:

1. The Strategy for Excellence To be the absolute best in a field—whether it’s engineering, art, or business—requires a maniacal, singular focus. You must pour all your resources into one bucket. This often comes at the cost of family time, health, and leisure. It is a high-risk, high-reward bet. If you win, you are at the top of your industry. If you fail, the devastation is total because you have no other pillars to lean on.

2. The Strategy for Happiness Happiness, conversely, is about risk mitigation. It requires a diversified portfolio. You aim to be a “75% player” across multiple areas: a decent career, a loving family, good health, and a supportive community. You will likely never stand out as a singular “great,” but you have a much higher probability of sustained contentment.

The Trap The root cause of our misery is that we employ the Strategy for Happiness (diversifying our time) but expect the results of the Strategy for Excellence (being number one).

That is the greed. We want the safety of balance with the glory of obsession.

To get what you really want, you must first have the courage to choose which game you are actually playing.